🔗 Share this article

TV comedians discussed Pete Hegseth's unusual mandatory meeting for US generals in Virginia, where he attacked "out-of-shape military members."

The Late Show Host

Stephen Colbert began Tuesday's program with a countdown to a government shutdown, which would halt numerous essential services and leave many out of work. But not everyone – Colbert noted that people considered essential workers, such as air traffic controllers or TSA agents, must stay on the job, even if it means working without pay. "Ideal for anyone who’s ever said ‘I just wish this TSA worker patting me down was also frustrated,’" Colbert joked.

He then turned to "more serious" story of the evening: Pete Hegseth calling together top generals at Quantico for an odd address in which Colbert described the defense secretary as a "complete jerk."

Hegseth proclaimed "liberation day" for America’s "warriors" who "kill people and break things for a living."

"I’ll say it: the Democrats have got to turn down the temperature on their violent rhetoric," Colbert remarked.

Hegseth also said there would be "no more climate change worship. No further distractions or confusion. No leftover issues. As I’ve said before and will say again, we are finished with this nonsense."

"Wow, generals, Pete used a bad word," Colbert mocked. "He! Is! Cool! You know, I hear he has like 10 Playboys under his mattress."

Hegseth encouraged the generals to "tell it like it is in simple terms, to highlight the obvious things right in front of us."

Colbert then pointed out the obvious: "OK, you suck monkey butt."

The Nightly Host

The late-night comedian also touched on the government shutdown on Tuesday night. "Democrats want Republicans to agree to continue funding Affordable Care Act, whereas Republicans want to use that money to include seafood to the breakfast bar at Mar-a-Lago," he explained. "And Trump is threatening to make irreversible cuts if there’s a shutdown."

"I've experienced a shutdown – it's not permanent," he added.

Kimmel then mocked Hegseth's required assembly with generals in Virginia. "All the top military leaders were pulled off the frontlines in Portland and Washington, DC and summoned to Quantico for a pep talk with Pete," he said before a clip of Hegseth bragging: "Should foes dare to confront us, they will be defeated by the violence, precision and ferocity of the war department. In other words, to our enemies: FAFO."

"He’s so awesome," Kimmel deadpanned. "That was some speech. Usually when a big group of people gather in one room for Pete Hegseth, it’s an attempt to help him."

"But this was a no mercy type of affair," as Hegseth said he’d do away with DEI initiatives in the military, as well as "men in women's clothing" and "overweight soldiers."

"It’s completely unacceptable to see fat admirals and generals in the halls of the Pentagon and overseeing operations around the country and the world," Hegseth said. "It appears unprofessional."

Kimmel responded with a clip of Trump lumbering about. "It's ironic Trump advises on health," he laughed. "That's like the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is."

Comedy Central Program

On the comedy program, Ronny Chieng also poked fun at Hegseth's ominous mandatory meeting with US generals. "We all act strangely sometimes," he remarked. "Some of us slide into an ex’s DMs, and some of us call every US general to a meeting at Quantico."

Chieng then played clips from Hegseth's tirade against "fat troops," which he called a "bad look."

"That’s what you called all these generals in for? To tell them they’re fat?" he asked. "Couldn’t you just leave some passive aggressive comments on their Instagram? Like ‘hey, congrats general, when are you due?’"

"This guy will text secret war plans, but when it comes to body shaming, he’s like ‘I want to see their round features when I tell them how large they are.’"

"Look, I get the military needs to be fit," Chieng continued. "However, regarding larger leaders, they’re kind of like coaches, right? Coaches don’t need to be in playing shape, they just have to be suitable to date a 24-year-old," he said next to a photo of a famous coach and his girlfriend.

Hegseth also said he’d prohibit beards or long hair. "Per Hegseth, America’s military standards are now going to be indistinguishable from a Grindr profile – no fatties, no facial hair, and get those women the heck out of my sight," Chieng joked.

Late Night Host

And on Late Night, Seth Meyers summarized Trump’s meeting with the Israeli prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, at the White House on Monday, where he told reporters that he’s very confident he could quickly achieve a peace deal in Gaza. "You promised this long ago, ‘swiftly’ is no longer in the cards," Meyers said. "That’s like James Cameron saying ‘Avatar 4 is coming quickly.’"

"From someone who failed in Portland," he joked, referring to Trump sending military personnel to Portland for little purpose.

Trump also told a news outlet that he would suspect that the justice department is looking into the former FBI director, Christopher Wray, "then he winked so hard at Pam Bondi that his hair popped up like a garbage can lid," Meyers jested.